"Motor Scooter in the River" or "911 on the Riverwalk"

Several weeks ago, our son Jake was home for a day or two and decided to take an early morning walk on the Riverwalk. I was busy cooking breakfast for everybody when Jake finished his walk, wandered back into the kitchen, and casually asked, “What’s with the motor scooter in the River?”

“What?!” I exclaimed. Then I thought to add, “Was there a human attached to it?” Jake responded that he didn’t think so. About that time Jake’s sister, Coulter, who was also home for a visit, got herself in on the action and we all three went runnin’ down to the riverbank, me in my pajamas. (Fred stayed home and kept Coulter’s baby, precious little Amos Henry.) On the way down there Jake gave a few more details, one of which was that the motor scooter was white, which prompted on my part a vague recollection of having several times seen a young man drive a new, white motor scooter up the street in front of our house.

Well, we got to the riverbank and, indeed, there was a white motor scooter submerged in the River, several feet from the shore. We all three cautiously looked around for any sign of a human, and we didn’t find any. I knew we needed to tell SOMEBODY about Jake’s find, so I decided to call 911. Wisely, I’d thought to grab my cell phone just as the three of us had dashed out the front door. (Well, okay, Jake doesn’t exactly “dash.” Coulter and I dashed; Jake “accompanied us.”)

Anyway, I used my Verizon-service cell phone to call 911 from the Riverwalk right down there very near the Promenade Amphitheatre – at about Lamp Pole # 415. Here’s how the conversation went:

“911. How can I help you?”

“I’m down here on the Riverwalk, near the Amphitheatre, and we have found what appears to be a new motor scooter submerged in the water.”

“The Phenix City Amphitheatre?”

“No, the Promenade Amphitheatre. We’re on the Georgia side.”

“Well, you called Phenix City 911. You’re on the Georgia side? You need to call Columbus 911.”

“Well, how do I do that? I just mashed the numbers 911 on my cellphone.”

“Hold on and I’ll connect you to Columbus 911.”

So, that was my first little snafu with this business – I learned that phoning 911 from the Riverwalk just might connect you with Phenix City 911 rather than with Columbus 911. I’m guessing that it has something to do with signals and cell towers or something?

I wanted for a few seconds and another voice came on the phone, a different woman’s voice this time:

“911. What’s your problem?”

“I’m on the Riverwalk, and we have found what appears to be a new motor scooter submerged in the edge of the River. I don’t know if it was stolen or what.”

“Is there anybody there with it?”

“No, I don’t think so. We’ve looked around and don’t see anybody.”

“Wherebouts on the Riverwalk are you?”

“Very close to the Promenade Amphitheatre.”

“Where?”

“Near the Promenade Amphitheatre.”

“The what?”

“The Promenade Amphitheatre.”

“I don’t know where that is. Can you give me another direction?”

I sensed that she was looking in a directory, so I offered, “Try the CHATTAHOOCHEE Promenade Amphitheatre.”

“I don’t see that, either.”

I suggested that she try all three – Chattahoochee, Promenade, and Amphitheatre. She apparently did try and couldn’t find anything. And it was obvious that she didn’t have a CLUE where the Promenade Amphitheatre was.

It was about this time that I thought to give her the Lamp Pole Number and said, “Well, if you have a list of lamp pole numbers, we’re at number 415.” She responded that she didn’t know a thing about any list of light pole numbers. Then she asked me, “What street are you near?” I responded that I was near where Sixth Street meets the River. She asked, “Sixth AVENUE?” I responded, “No, Sixth STREET. Sixth AVENUE would run parallel to the River.” She was COMPLETELY confused by that. She didn't even seem to know where Sixth Street was.

At this point I realized that we were getting nowhere slowly, so I offered that I would give her my home address, walk back up the hill to my house, and that the 911 respondents could meet me there and I would take them to the submerged motor scooter. She liked that idea, so that’s what we did. I left Jake and Coulter there with the motor scooter, walked back up the hill to my house, and waited for just a few minutes before a police officer showed up. The funny part of the story is that as the officer walked in the direction of what I thought was my house, I approached him and started to direct him to the motor scooter in the River. He listened for a minute and responded, “Actually, ma’am, the officer who is responding to your call is right behind me and will be here in a minute. I’m responding to a call from your neighbor who had his white motor scooter stolen.”

Before the incident was over, six police officers had visited the riverbank to help my neighbor with the incident regarding his stolen, brand new white motor scooter. We Fussells bowed out as soon as the officers arrived.

Now, obviously, my concerns are these: 1) While the Phenix City 911 operator was not exactly slow in transferring me to Columbus 911, the process did take a couple of minutes. It makes me wonder if ALL cell phone calls from the Riverwalk reach Phenix City 911. If that is the case, and if the incident had been a real emergency, well … I don’t know what the answer is, but I hope that safety authorities in both cities are aware of the situation. 2) Columbus 911 personnel ought to have SOME WAY of figuring out where somebody is on the Riverwalk! What if I’d been in real trouble? Or, worse yet, what if I had been in real trouble and also was some out-of-towner who didn’t know where on earth I was? There is potential for real trouble here – even for those of us who know the Riverwalk well.

Come to think of it, I’m surprised that there aren’t call boxes on the Riverwalk.

I don’t know what the perfect solution is to solving what appears to me to be a problem with rescue personnel locating folks on the Riverwalk, but I’m wondering if a list of lamp pole numbers might help. The Lamp Pole List that I composed a while back and posted yesterday probably won’t provide the solution because there’s so much “historical clutter” on it. (I mean, knowing that at Lamp Pole # 415 “the Ram Jackson was constructed in the nineteenth century” probably would not help rescue personnel find anybody.) MAYBE, though, matching the light pole numbers to GPS coordinates -- or even to cross streets -- would work. Just a thought by somebody who knows next to nothing about Global Positioning Systems. (But I do watch a lotta cop shows on tv.)

I am remiss in not having reported this story to authorities sooner, and I’ll admit that I am prompted today by Chuck Williams’ FB comment after he read my Lamp Pole List post. Before today is over I’m going to try to contact an authority at the 911 center and simply relate to them what happened the day Jake found the motor scooter in the River.

Sorry I didn’t take a photo of the scooter in the River. Wish I had; it was quite picturesque.